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For the past few days I’ve seen changes, felt abandoned, felt betrayed by the people I did not expect. But rather taking it as something negative. I saw what the things that I should change in myself are. Personal growth happens when there’s conflict.

REALIZATIONS:

  • Never let emotion win and control you.
  • It may be wrong to a lot of people, but don’t forget your opinion matters and you should know where you stand.
  • Being a good friend doesn’t mean you have to be literally all-time good, if you’re real then you do what’s right and just.
  • Don’t let anyone expect so much goodness in you, because that the time people are going to judge you fast when mistakes are made.
  • Be honest even if it hurts, see who’ s true enough to stay.
  • You don’t let people guessing…and leave them hanging.
  • Real friends are true if they have courage to face you.
  • You fight for the people you care about.

AI

hahahaha.

The Pinoy Site

Kamakailan lang ay sinubukan kong kontakin si Jessica S. para sa isang telephone interview na maipo-post ko sa blog na ito. Siya yung nanalong runner-up sa nakalipas na bagong season ng AI. Nagpakilala muna ako sa pamamagitan ng agent niya at nagpadala din ako ng litrato.

Tumawag sa akin yung agent at sinabing pumayag daw si Jessica na magpa-interview pero may kundisyon.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang papaunlakan ako ni Jessica nung araw na iyon. Hindi ko nga lang inasahan ang mga bagay na malalaman ko mula sa aking interview sa kanya.

Narito ang transcript ng naging interview ko sa kanya.

Me: Hello Jessica, thank you so much for taking out time from your very busy schedule for this phone interview.

Jessica: Oh, it’s my pleasure. Thank you for inviting me.
Jessica: By the way, you look so handsome in the picture you sent me.

Me: Uh, hehe…I don’t want this to take up…

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*deadma*

Hayayay… Ilang araw na lang birthday ko na pero wala pa rin akong plano. Mukhang deadma lang din sa mga friends ko. Napatunayan ko din ngayon na konti lang pala ang mga kaibigan ko. Ahaha.. Ok lang. Ako din naman kasi ang hindi masyado palakaibigan. Una, mahiyain talaga ko kahit hindi sila masyado naniniwala. Pangalawa, pinili kong ‘wag masyado ma-attached sa mga bagong kakilala dahil takot na kong masaktan.

Kaya ok na din siguro pero syempre ok din siguro kung ung konting kaibigan ko ay gusto rin ipagdiwang ang kaarawan ko kasama ako….. kaso hindi na ako dapat umasa pa.. hahaha… haayyy…

MR.RIGHT ko

Hi! How are you doing? I wish you’re fine. Ako, well, I’m fine, I guess. I’m just having a lonely day again. Yeah! Life is good! Really it is! Lalo na siguro if you’re here with me. Anyways, bakit ba ang tagal mong dumating sa buhay ko? Na-traffic ka ba or something? I really want to hold you sooo tight lang tlga and I really want to tell you the words, “I Love You So Much” a million times.

My life is a “mess” Mr. Right. It is. I’ve been in loved with different persons already but still, I haven’t met anyone deserving. Ayoko naman kay Mr. Perfect. Ikaw kasi ang gusto kong makasama.

Everyday I’m very excited to wake up but I’m scared as well kasi baka hindi ka rin dumating. Iyak nalang ako ng iyak everyday. Napapagod din naman ako.
Alam mo, ang dami kong gusting ipakilala sayo. Family ko, mga friends ko Ang dami ko din gustong puntahan kasama ka. Kahit hindi sa ibang bansa, kahit nga dito lang sa Pilipinas eh. Basta ikaw kasama ko.
Ang weird ko noh? Mashado kitang iniisip, mashado kong sabik sayo. Ewan ko ba, siguro kasi, ikaw lang yung kukumpleto sakin. Kahit saan ako magpunta, ikaw inaalala ko. Gusto ko, kumain tayo together, magsaya together, umiyak together, magtawanan together, mamasyal together, magsimba together, ang dami pah!
Ang dami ko din pangarap sa ating dalawa, yung bang mag-ipon tayo together, magtayo ng house together, gusto ko yung bakod natin color white. Gusto kong umuwi sa bahay na, kahit gaano kasama ng araw ko, alam kong uuwi ako dun sa taong will make everything alright. Tapos, every night, matutulog tayo together. Gusto mo try natin magtayo ng house sa isang island? Yung tayong dalawa lang. Masyado ng exaggerated yun.

I know Mr. Right, it’s not enough na sabihin ko lang lahat ng gusto kong gawin nating dalawa, pero, tila atang matatagalan pa bago ko maramdaman ‘to dahil wala ka pah!
Nasaan ka na ba? Mashado ng maraming nangyayari sa paligid ko. ‘Di ko na makaya yung lungkot ko.. Oo, may family ako, may mga friends ako, pero iba ang magiging pagdating mo. Iku-kumpleto mo ang kulang kulang na parte ng pagkatao ko.
Mr. Right, dumating ka nah. Nahihirapan na ‘ko eh. Hindi ko gustong mag-isa.. Ayokong mag-isa.. Sana sa paghihintay kong ‘to, magiging WORTH THE WAIT ang pagdating mo.

For my Future Boyfriend…

Dear Future Boyfriend,

I know I am difficult at most times — stubborn, sobrang madaldal, impatient, moody, demanding and maarte. I don’t know why papa God wired me to be like this: DIFFICULT. Difficult to understand, difficult to comprehend. Maybe that’s why why you’re having a hard time finding me; and me having a hard time waiting for you.

How happy I would be if you would pop-out right now when I am at my lowest. But as good books say, “HAPPINESS COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT.” So I’m standing still right here. Pero pwede ba mag request? Pwede bang pakibilisan mo ng konte? Please? Baka kasi pag nagkita tayo, mag-LQ tayo agad. Tagal mo kasi ee. Sabi sa GMRC nung elementary, hindi mo dapat pinagwe-wait ang girl. Pero dahil ikaw na ang LAST boyfriend ko (hopefully), fine. I’ll wait.

Do you know that everyday, I’m actually anticipating for your arrival? Excited na nga ako ee. Excited na akong ipakilala ka sa parents ko. Excited na ako magkwento sayo ng kung anu-ano — hindi naman kasi ako nauubusan nun ee. Excited na ako to answer your every call, to reply to every SMS. Walang sawaan. Kahit gano ako ka-busy, I’ll find time. Yup, sa’yo lang, no one else. Excited na ako maging consistent sa pag good morning at pag good night sa’yo everyday, pati yung freedom ko maglaboy anytime I want, I’m willing to compromise.

Excited na akong mag smile at tumawa hanggang sumakit panga ko — hindi lang yung regular tawa yun ha? I’m excited to laugh not because I find something funny but to laugh just because I am overjoyed by your mere prescence. Excited na akong sabihan ka ng ANG YABANG MO! with matching hampas. Sorry naman dahil bayolente future girlfriend mo ee.

Wait, ayoko maging too ideal, gusto ko realistic kaya excited na din ako na makita reaction mo pag may moodswing ako, pag malakas topak ko, pag nagtalo tayo. Excited na ako kung pano natin ireresolve ang problems natin — tayo lang. Walang extra, walang epal.

When that time comes, hindi ko na kailangang ipagdamot ka sa iba dahil I TRUST YOU. And not just the trust that I give to common friends. I trust you because you gave me the guarantee na I’m the one you trust most, na problems won’t be solved unless it’s only the BOTH OF US in the picture.

I’m imagining that right now, papa God is molding you to be that IMPERFECT PERSON, CUSTOM-MADE JUST FOR ME. And when the right time comes, I know He’ll reveal you under the right circumstances.

I know that there is no such thing as a smooth-sailing relationship. I’ve been devastated for so many times. I’ve risked the things that I’m not supposed to kaya naman I have my own set of fears. But by the time that we meet, I’m confident that I’ll overcome my fears because in you, I’ll find security and peace of mind. You will be that one single person whom I will tell:

” YOU ARE WORTH THE RISK.”

I’m preparing myself for that day when both our worlds will collide. I’m preparing well because I know you deserve nothing but the best, and ironically, I trust that the many imperfections that I have are included in that one loaded package I’ll give you. I’m not perfect and I will never be. But with you, everything will find and fall in its place. I know it will.

I have so much more to say but I’ll save the rest when we finally meet. I don’t know how long I would have to wait but I have great faith in you and in papa God. I know you’ll come, when I least expect it.

To my most awaited FUTURE BOYFRIEND, you may not be my first childhood sweetheart nor my first kiss and not even my first puppy love but know this:

You will be my first, final and only TRUE LOVE. 🙂

With all my love,

Your Future Girlfriend

it’s over

Love was never meant to be a one-way street. Darating ang panahon na magsasawa ka. Magigising ka nalang isang araw, pagod ka na umasa. Bahala ka na diyan. Kakapagod ka. Goodbye! ‘Cause you’re not actually “loving”, you’re just testing your patience. Kung hanggang saan mo kayang magtiis. Love is patient pero hanggang kailan ba dapat magtiis? Kailan mo ba dapat ipa-realize sa sarili mo na, you gave enough chance already. If things aren’t working, go! Leave. Kumbaga sa appliances, sinubukan mong ma-repair pero di na kaya. Kaya huwag nang ipilit. Diretso junk shop nalang. Love is supposed to make you happy and it’s not supposed to hurt. Otherwise, it’s not love. Akala mo lang, or worse, pinipilit mo lang. O baka nag-iilusyon ka lang.

Ako si D. nineteen. At dito nagsisimula ang aking ilusyon.

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